shattered08 (shattered08) wrote in slow_poke_poly,
shattered08
shattered08
slow_poke_poly

  • Mood:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuugh

So she went and met him this weekend. Nothing has changed between us, and she doesn't know when it will, but he's moving here at the end of the month, at which time I'm supposed to move out (or, just not sleep here, as she puts it) so that they can have time for themselves. That would be fine, but seeing as how I don't even have my own car, I don't get how that's supposed to work, unless she's going to start driving his, if he even has one. I tried asking her about the 'us' part of all this and apparently she has no plan for anything because 'they' don't think like that. Seems that I'm weird for wanting to know what the hell is going on. Silly me. Just how does she expect to carry out a successful poly relationship with anyone without any type of planning?! Anyway, she wants me around, for the kids, and so I can get to be friends with him. Sure, fine, great, but I need a little more to go on than a vague concept of how she wants things to end up. Also, one of her reasons for wanting a separation from me was because she's never lived on her own and wanted to do that for once. So how does this figure into that? It doesn't. I pointed that out and she just said she is putting someone else's happiness before hers. Half-jokingly I asked her why she was doing that, I mean shes been doing it for nine years now, ha-ha. No response, which adds a general sense of doom to the whole thing.

When this all even came up tentatively, she told me not to wait for her, but in this situation, I wouldn't feel comfortable pursuing a relationship without being able to tell the other person what is going on in this part of my life. Also, with all this, the fact that I work third shift, and if I'm not working or sleeping, I'm watching the kids, just when am I supposed to pursue a relationship even if I wanted to?!

Feeling like I'm being strung along/jerked around, but I don't think that's what she's trying to do, I just don't think she knows what the hell she's doing or what she really wants. Or how to figure it out.

Part of my duress here I'm sure is stemming from having been her primary/only for nine years, even if we weren't happy, and now I'm completely on the outside anxiously waiting to be let back in.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 4 comments