cheebella (cheebella) wrote in slow_poke_poly,

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Reasonable boundaries - with UPDATES

My partner and I recently moved in together (2 weeks ago). We have been together for a while and have talked about keeping our relationship open along the way. She has another lover who I know as a mutual friend, but who lives out of town. He came back to town for a visit - originally planned for about 3 days, of which she planned to spend her time 'focusing' on him and their mutual connection. She still has a bed at her old place as she didn't have to vacate there until the end of Sept.

So right now it's night 2 of 3 and she's with him. That part is ok. I am feeling my way through it as this is really only the second time they have been together physically, and I have a safe place to stay - our home - where I can keep busy and feel comfortable.

Here's the boundary issue - at some point along the line, her lover changed plans and it turns out he will be in town for 2 weeks instead of just one. She ended up inviting him to stay in the second bedroom of our new place together for about 6 nights. I was caught off guard and felt guilty for wanting to turn him out. Now that it's come down to it, I am feeling really unsettled and trapped by this arrangement. He will be here the next 2 weekends as it stands - all the days I have off for myself. I think he is a nice enough guy, but I have no desire to spend much time with him, and I don't want to give up all my space and time with myself and my partner to accomodate him.

I made the mistake of going along with this too easily and trying to be okay with this arrangement. The more I search myself, the less okay I am about it. I am really worried about spending this time with the both of them and being miserable due to my denial of my own self to please my partner. I know that isn't so healthy - but am I reasonable to feel that this is too much too soon. Did I not recongnize an unreasonable request by my partner when she proposed this arrangement.

How do I make it through this without flipping out at both of them. I could really use some words of support.

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